By Andrew Blumetti
That’s the sound of the dog days of summer coming upon us, sizzling, sultry hot days that grab on, pump up the mercury, and won’t let go.
Luckily, we can kick Mother Nature in her butt with our first-world remedies. Pools are ready for obnoxious cannonballers, soaking sprinklers are begging to be run through, and air conditioners are blasting an arctic-y full force that could keep a week-old cadaver intact.
Although if you’re like me, and you haven’t seemed to mature out of the third grade, you’re not too proud to grab a couple dead prezzies when you hear that ice cream truck’s joyful music coming down your street (plus, everyone knows food out of a truck always tastes better anyway). The walls of faded pictures triple-scotch-taped to the side of the truck are full of perennial favorites you hope they have in stock- Bomb Pops, Choco Tacos, ice cream sandwiches, snow cones… boy howdy, it’s almost overwhelming.
When those tried-and-true favorites just seem a little vanilla, why not fight off that sweaty tubby kid next to you and grab the last character-ice pop instead? They’re truly the apex of a fun chilled treat. Plus, there’s that added bonus of opening the package and getting a nice chuckle when they end up looking like this…
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michelangelo goes to the looney bin:
– This vampire Spongebob gives new meaning to the word “suck”:
– Creepy stalker Dora knows where you live ……(long pause)…
-Na na na na na na na na Crapman!!! This was after a scuffle with Mr. Freeze:
-Super Mario may be the money name, but Luigi wouldn’t have pulled this:
– Wolverine and Spiderman- my Spidey sense is melting!
-This Powerpuff Girl will most likely kill you while you sleep:
– See what running around all those loops does to you Sonic?
– Darth Vader’s cameo in 28 Days Later ended up on the cutting room floor:
-Snoopy’s face looks like a Picasso Cubism painting. Kids don’t care about that:
-HULK MELT! I MEAN, SMASH!!!
– We now know that Tweety Bird is just a yellow skull with blue eyes:
-Pink Panther needs an exorcism!
– Normally Pokemon’s slogan is to “catch ’em all”. We’ll pass this time:
-King Kong is made out of “gorilla berry” flavor. Between you and me, I honestly didn’t know that was a flavor.
– Man, not even the summer sun ruins Jimmy Neutron’s killer pompadour…
– This Bratz ice pop is hypnotizing in the most frightening way…
Some photos courtesy of Meredith Allen.