By Andrew Blumetti
That’s the sound of the dog days of summer coming upon us, sizzling, sultry hot days that grab on, pump up the mercury, and won’t let go.
Luckily, we can kick Mother Nature in her butt with our first-world remedies. Pools are ready for obnoxious cannonballers, soaking sprinklers are begging to be run through, and air conditioners are blasting an arctic-y full force that could keep a week-old cadaver intact.
Although if you’re like me, and you haven’t seemed to mature out of the third grade, you’re not too proud to grab a couple dead prezzies when you hear that ice cream truck’s joyful music coming down your street (plus, everyone knows food out of a truck always tastes better anyway). The walls of faded pictures triple-scotch-taped to the side of the truck are full of perennial favorites you hope they have in stock- Bomb Pops, Choco Tacos, ice cream sandwiches, snow cones… boy howdy, it’s almost overwhelming.
When those tried-and-true favorites just seem a little vanilla, why not fight off that sweaty tubby kid next to you and grab the last character-ice pop instead? They’re truly the apex of a fun chilled treat. Plus, there’s that added bonus of opening the package and getting a nice chuckle when they end up looking like this…
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michelangelo goes to the looney bin:
– This vampire Spongebob gives new meaning to the word “suck”:
– Creepy stalker Dora knows where you live ……(long pause)…
-Na na na na na na na na Crapman!!! This was after a scuffle with Mr. Freeze:
-Super Mario may be the money name, but Luigi wouldn’t have pulled this:
– Wolverine and Spiderman- my Spidey sense is melting!
-This Powerpuff Girl will most likely kill you while you sleep:
– See what running around all those loops does to you Sonic?
– Darth Vader’s cameo in 28 Days Later ended up on the cutting room floor:
-Snoopy’s face looks like a Picasso Cubism painting. Kids don’t care about that:
-HULK MELT! I MEAN, SMASH!!!
– We now know that Tweety Bird is just a yellow skull with blue eyes:
-Pink Panther needs an exorcism!
– Normally Pokemon’s slogan is to “catch ’em all”. We’ll pass this time:
-King Kong is made out of “gorilla berry” flavor. Between you and me, I honestly didn’t know that was a flavor.
– Man, not even the summer sun ruins Jimmy Neutron’s killer pompadour…
– This Bratz ice pop is hypnotizing in the most frightening way…
Some photos courtesy of Meredith Allen.
18 responses to “Sad Character Ice Pops: A Tearjerker”
Nooooooo! Not The Pink Panther!!! Oh the humanity! Some day, someday those purveyors of fine iced treats will pay for the shameless way they mistreat those poor innocent cartoon characters. But then, from the eyes of a child, “Who cares? Just gimme some of that cool sugary goodness!”
Haha, I agree wholeheartedly, it’s always a waiting game with those stingy ice cream head hanchos. Thanks for the comment- it’s much appreciated!
Honestly, I read this “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Michelangelo goes to the looney bin” and laughed so hard some snot came out!
Haha, I take that as the highest compliment! Although getting Kleenex to send royalties seems like an uphill battle. Thanks again- glad you enjoyed!
Thanks for visiting my blog… and OMG! We do NOT have anything even remotely like that here in Australia! I can’t believe all those characters are made in ice-cream or frosted ice!!! Wow!
I will ship as many Powerpuff Girl ice-pops to Australia as I humanly can! I’ll tell the pilot to fly fast so it doesn’t melt.
Thanks for visiting my blog as well!
Can I just have a regular cone, please? 😉
Definitely! Added bonus for the cone- you can’t cram King Kong’s head into it. Sounds much more delicous.
There’s something creepy about eating cartoon characters’ faces. It’s even worse when the faces start dripping. (This being written by someone who avoids chocolate bunnies, but if no other chocolate is available, will pop the eyes off first and then eat the ears.)
I agree. Plus, the worst part- to avoid the melting of the character’s face, it means having to gobble them down fast, and that’s a recipe for multiple brain freezes. The horror…
You had me with your “Profile” photo and your NY Yankees t-shirt!!! We’re Floridians replanted from NJ, and still upholding the Yankee’s traditions down here…against the tide! Ha! God Bless!! Blog on!!!
Thanks very much! Today’s game didn’t go so hot, but at least they’re still putting up a fight.
Thanks for the comment- much appreciated!
Yup, my husband’s watching closely!!!!
How cute is that! 🙂
Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed!
this brought a smile to my face! thank you.
Thanks a million! It really means a lot to hear someone enjoyed my writing that much!