Tag Archives: advertising

The Drink Knight: The Saga of Super Grover and Gatorade

By Andrew Blumetti

“I am whatever Sesame needs me to be.”

 

Ringo Starr…

Judy Winslow…

The guys in Aerosmith who aren’t Steven Tyler or Joe Perry…

Sometimes you’re just that guy.

There’s a street, and while the name screams out a magical land of bagel toppings, it’s actually a place where jovial fur-covered monsters teach us our ABC’s, our 123’s, and the importance of sharing a bathtub with just that special rubber ducky.

♪  Can you tell me how to get… how to get to Sesame Street?  ♪

Practice, practice, practice, and stick your hand up a puppet’s keister. 

Too bad there’s only so many colors in the rainbow, because if you reside at 123 in the brownstone-laden land of Sesame Street, and you’re the blue monster who’s not Cookie Monster, then you’re that guy.  And your name is Grover.

“What does ‘nom-nom’ even mean?!?”

I Got the Sesame Street Blues

While loveable and time-tested, being the second most popular blue Muppet means naturally, you’re gonna lash out to be noticed.   So, when everyone and their grandmother is waxing poetic over that gravel-voiced, pre-diabetic Oreo-muncher, you spill some soup, toss out contractions completely from your vocabulary, pop on a cape, and hurl yourself out the window, cause you’re the redheaded blueheaded stepchild, and you’re getting some attention, come cookies or high water.

Enter, SUPER GROVER

He’s loveable, he means well, and he crashes more often than the Obamacare website.   Heck, he even took time out of his busy schedule to protect our Thanksgiving from evil tryptophan and blowout Detroit Lions games.

Soaring like an eagle, Super Grover protects the skies of Gotham… on Turkey Day.

And if by this point something just looks slightly familiar about Super Grover, replenish those lost electrolytes and take a gander at this, gander-takers…

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There’s a storm a-brewin’ and the forecast calls for a 100% chance of lightning bolts.  They’re flashing all over Sesame Street and they’re leaving huge smoking craters all over the football field.  This is a chicken-and-egg situation so gigantic, it’s like Big Bird squated his feathery-yellow self down and popped out a massive omelette right in front of us.

“Snuffy, breakfast is on me today!”

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Be Like Mike

grover

Simple answer to this origin… history lesson!   But unfortunately, this thirst-quenching quest isn’t really that cut and dry…

Gatorade, America’s most popular sports drink, founded on the campus of The University of Florida in 1965, and currently owned by PepsiCo., has incorporated the lightning bolt into it’s advertising since 1970.   Despite that, with a number of logo redesigns, it wasn’t until 2009 that the current “G-Series” logo was introduced with the bolt included.

Super Grover, the alter-ego of the Sesame Street character was introduced in the 1970’s, and used the “G” logo similar to the Gatorade font for decades, but it wasn’t until a 2010 re-branding that a lightning bolt was added to his costume.

So, while Gatorade was the first to use the lightning bolt, at the same time, Sesame Street can lay claim to the “G”.  All of this nonsensical circular research is really enough to make you feel winded and sweaty.

“After all of this flying, I am going to need many sips of Riptide Rush to feel quenched!”

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Lemon Lime or Lemon LIES?!?

So, if no one can officially produce concrete proof of placing their flag into the soil, it sunk in… maybe this is some kind of clever tie-in?  Maybe coincidences are for squares… Cahoots!  Cahoots I say!

After contacting both parties involved, here’s what I received back:

OFFICIAL STANCE FROM GATORADE/PEPSI CO.:

Andrew:

Thanks for writing to us. While I can’t comment on other consumer feedback, I can tell you that there is no official tie in between Gatorade and Super Grover.

I hope this helps.

Jenny
Gatorade Consumer Relations
A Division of PepsiCo

(sent on January 5, 2014)

OFFICIAL STANCE FROM SESAME STREET/THE JIM HENSON COMPANY:

No reply.   (as of January 10, 2014)

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Well, crap.

“All of this reading and things are still fishy!”

So, all that work, and where does that bring us?

Gatorade can weave a clever yarn, but it’s impossible to overlook these little coincidences

  • As recently as 2011, Sesame Place ran an on-can promotion with Pepsi, Gatorade’s parent company…

Well, I guess there has to be some kind of reward for suffering through a can of Diet Pepsi…

  • Sesame Street characters, Elmo and Abby Cadabby appeared in a segment with Los Angeles Laker, Kobe Bryant, who has appeared in Gatorade commercials as recently as last year…

“Elmo help fix Kobe’s broken knee!”

  • Last year, Diet Pepsi used actress Sofia Vergara in a campaign.  Sofia Vergara is essentially evolving into a giant, jiggly, impossible-to-understand, cartoonish Colombian Muppet as each day passes. 

“I love PEEEEEPSI, and being on SEEEEEESSSSAME STEEEEEET.”

 

With Sesame’s tight-lipped stance, perhaps we’ll never know if this sports beverage and this puppet superhero are in bed together.  Despite what Gatorade’s official statement is, like it or lump it, kids plopped in front of the tellie will know that lightning bolt, and when they cramp up on the soccer field this spring, we all know what beverage they’ll be handed first.   To quote Ned Flanders, while this remains foggy, I’ll remain a bit of a “Suspocious Aloysius”.

In a year’s time, when we’re treated to “Grover Grape” flavor Gatorade, we’ll all know where that marriage began.

Looks like Oscar’s flavor is still not confirmed yet.

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A Kollective List of the Kraziest KISS Krap

By Andrew Blumetti

It’s been infamously said that there’s a few certainties in life:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Shock rock icons/merchandising junkies, KISS, will license their four-letter moniker on any piece of junk they can make a quick buck on.

The makeup-ed four-piece have spent nearly the past 40 years spitting out blood, shooting sparks from their guitars and pulling in massive bucks by hilariously plastering their name on anything a price tag will fit on.  Their legion of dedicated fans, better known as the “KISS Army”, gobbles it all up.  Odd, cause you’d think they’d be spending all their money on their girlfriends or having a life…

To better understand the oncoming KISStastrophy, we need to pull a Silence of the Lambs, and delve into the deepest, darkest, nastiest corners of the human psyche.   It’s time to beat up a Juggalo, steal their black and white face paint, take a dive into the deep end of the “selling out” pool, and share a laugh at some of the most bizarre KISS merchandise ever hit the shelves.

Although, we don’t have to go crank up Destroyer or anything, let’s not go too far here.

1. KISS wine

What?!:  Well, here’s a fun, rarely known fact- if you head to the vineyards in the sun-drenched fields of Tuscany, you’ll bare witness the finest grapes being grown, all just for the hope to one day end up in a bottle with aging rockstars who resemble wrinkly prunes on the label.

Or… the more likely scenario- this is just rotten grape juice with a criminally expensive price tag.

The Score:   3 Paul Stanleys   

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2. KISS shower curtain

What?!?:  There was a chilling scene in the film Arachnophobia that has stuck with me all these years.  An innocent character was showering, while the whole time, unbeknownst to her, a quick-moving, release-your-bowels spider was crawling around the shower walls.  Heebie jeebies at their finest.

The horrifying vulnerability of that scene works so well-  I’m not even scared of spiders, and that freaks me out to no end.  Well, gimme that arachnid any day of the week over turning around and seeing Ace Frehley’s melted candle, California Raisin face staring at me while I’m all sudsy.  Makes the iconic shower attack scene in Psycho seem like a carnival ride.

The Score:   1 Paul Stanley   

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3. KISS lip balm

What?!?:  Just gimme the chapped lips instead.

The Score:  2 Paul Stanleys   

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4. KISS “For Her” perfume/body wash

What?!?:  It’s hard to believe, but they actually bottled up the smell of being past your prime.

Never in the history of mankind has a sane woman said, “Ya know, I really could score a husband only if I smelled like Peter Criss”.

If they sold more than one of these, I’ll eat my shoe.

The Score:  half a Paul Stanley 

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5. KISS M&M’s

What?!?:  A fantastic way to go on a diet.  If the sight of Gene Simmons’ old-fart face headed towards your taste buds doesn’t make you instantly wretch, then there’s no hope for you.

The Score:  3 Paul Stanleys   

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6. KISS Kasket

What?!?:  Easily the most bizarre item in the vast KISS store inventory.  That sound you’ll hear when you’re six feet under and buried in this rock ‘n roll monstrosity is the sound of the worms laughing at you.

The Score:  4 Paul Stanleys 

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7. KISS soap

What?!?:  I Wanna Wash and Roll All Night!  You can wash off all that face paint with this hideously-colored black bar of soap all day long, but you’ll never truly feel clean.

The Score:  1 and a half Paul Stanleys  

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8. KISS cereal

What?!?:  It’s instantly clear what the KISS wine was for- to make you forget about these.  This is KISS Krunch- perfect for when you run out of Rice Peter Crisspies.  On the plus side, you know your day can only get better from here.

They’re GRRRRRROSS!

The Score:  2 Paul Stanleys 

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9. KISS ketchup

What?!?:  Now seriously, what’s so wrong with Heinz that you need to stoop to this level?  There’s no proper excuse on Earth to use this BBQ ruiner.  Only apply to your burgers and hot dogs if you want to not enjoy them.

The Score:  4 Paul Stanleys   

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10. KISS bike shorts

What?!?:  All I can say is thank God that this picture doesn’t contain an actual KISS fan inside these things.

The Score:  1 and a half Paul Stanleys  

A big thanks to EverythingKiss.com for the info and pictures.

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